Mescaline is an ancient psychedelic found in both peyote and San Pedro cacti that has been used spiritually and medicinally for thousands of years. If you ask certain psychedelic enthusiasts (such as the community on r/mescaline), mescaline is a gentle, long-acting, sober-headed psychedelic that presents qualities reminiscent of MDMA. Praise for this compound is prolific among enthusiasts. Some hold the opinion that mescaline is so unparalleled that it leaves psilocybin in the dust.

Well, now you’ve got my attention.

You see, my two-year journey with psychedelics can be summed up concisely by the phrase: “Wow! And what else?”

I started with Ps. cubensis. My mind was blown. I next tried Ps. ochraceocentrata. My mind was blown. I next tried Panaeolus cyanescens. My mind was (extremely!) blown. I next tried Ps. subtropicalis. My mind was blown. I next tried Ps. zapotecorum and LSD about two weeks apart. My mind was so profoundly blown that for a couple of months, I believed I had figured out the Secret of the Universe. I next tried low doses of harmine and harmaline. I loved both. I next tried Ps. mexicana. My mind was blown out of this universe (how can there still be so much more?!). (Not all my experimentation was mind-blowing. Ketamine left me comparatively unimpressed.)

I firmly believed that each new mushroom and each new medicine had a unique lesson to teach me. And that if I kept trying new things, perhaps I’d learn the answer to the ultimate question: why I continued to feel called to all these medicines in the first place.

So it was only a matter of time before I would try mescaline. The problem was that mescaline was hard to get. (It’s not, really. I simply made it hard with my reluctance to be dependent on anything other than myself to access medicine. This is more or less why I grew all those mushrooms myself in the first place.) I purchased several San Pedro cacti from a local hobbyist with the goal of a sustainable supply for myself. I promptly grew so attached to the little spiky dudes that I couldn’t imagine cutting them up to consume them. I still haven’t.

It would be two years after reading How To Change Your Mind until I’d have a proper mescaline experience of my own. I am lucky enough to live in Colorado, where natural medicines are decriminalized. The mescaline eventually found me.

Technically, my first experience with mescaline was almost a year ago when I ingested 600 mg of mescaline citrate. However, I threw up four times within the first hour. I failed to implement proper techniques for mitigating nausea. I didn’t stagger the dose. I took ginger, but not enough, and the ginger capsules didn’t fully dissolve in my stomach in time (ask me how I know). I probably expelled some of the mescaline before it was absorbed, because the resulting experience was shortened and lacked a true peak. I decided this experience didn’t count.

For me, mescaline has proved harder to work with than psilocybin. Aside from the aforementioned failed first attempt at a full experience, I’ve also experimented with low doses and microdoses a handful of times, generally with little noticeable effects. The nausea has been very difficult to handle. I’ve had nausea from as little as 80 mg of mescaline citrate. Mushrooms have never once made me nauseous like this. Mushrooms occasionally make my stomach feel all twisted up, but this is not the same as nausea; I now intimately know the difference. While the stomach sensation induced by mushrooms can be quite uncomfortable, it never lasts longer than about an hour, after which it completely resolves (or I’m too far removed from this dimension to notice it anymore).

In short, my body hates mescaline. Nevertheless, due to my curiosity and perhaps a dash of masochism that only my fellow psychonauts will understand, I was still called this medicine. After about 9 months, I finally felt ready to give mescaline another go. I fixed the mistakes I made the first time: I staggered the dose, took more ginger, and made sure the ginger capsules completely dissolved in my stomach.

What resulted was the longest, most excruciatingly uncomfortable, most physically painful trip of my life.

As much as I would like you to think I’m some psychedelic zen master who is in a permanent state of frictionless openness to the unfolding of the universe, the truth is this trip was really tough. My body and mind both fought the medicine a lot. For sixteen straight hours, I bounced between moderately and excruciatingly uncomfortable. My chattering mind refused to shut up, endlessly worrying about worrying and thinking about thinking. My body tensed up, cramped up, and physically hurt.

Insights came: profound insights, the full extent of which I could not appreciate until reflecting on the experience in the following weeks.

After spending several days writing and rewriting this post, attempting to distill these insights into something communicable to another human being, I realized that, by their nature, these insights are incommunicable. As much as I now labor to convey the truth through my words, I know that you, reader, are equally laboring to extract the truth through your reading. But neither of us will ever succeed in obtaining what we seek, not as long as we are seeking truth outside of ourselves.

The best I can do is offer clues that point to the truth. I’ve left these after the trip report below. Do with them as you will.

This trip report is a little different than others I’ve written. Compared to psilocybin, I remained remarkably lucid throughout the experience and was able to record in great detail the thoughts and insights passing through my mind. They tell a raw story and stand on their own. I’ve left them minimally edited for that reason.

Friday, March 13, 750 mg mescaline citrate

7:30 AM T-1:00

I take 4 ginger capsules, approximately 3200 mg powdered ginger. I eat two small nectarines to get my stomach acids flowing to dissolve the capsules faster.

I am at home alone all day today while my husband is at work.

8:00 AM T-0:30

I take 2 more ginger capsules and eat 5 pieces of candied ginger.

8:30 AM T+0:00

I use wetted rice paper to swallow 250 mg of citrate powder.

8:50 AM T+20:00

I feel slightly dizzy. My stomach feels a little upset already from swallowing ginger and eating sugar.

9:10 AM T+35:00

I swallow another 250 mg. I do some deep breathing and try to relax.

[I do some personal reflection and intention-setting for the trip in my journal.]

9:25 AM T+48:00

Feeling a little thoughtful and contemplative.

[I do some more reflection, writing in my journal, contemplating life: where I’ve been and where I want to go next.]

9:33 AM T+57:00

I was violently puking by the hour mark last time, but my stomach feels okay so far. I notice a calm and thoughtful state.

9:41 AM T+1:04

I take the final 250 mg. I feel a mild wave of stomach discomfort upon standing, but I can breathe through it. Sitting up straight and doing deep, intentional breathing helps.

9:57 AM T+1:20

I fetch the book I’m reading on spirituality, and read for 30 minutes.

10:42 AM T+2:05

I read the line, “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your own consciousness.” I begin to well up with tears. These words resonate with something deep inside me. I conjure the intention to trust the universe. The emotion passes through me in an instant; soon after, it is gone, and I feel light.

There is another small wave of nausea, but I can breathe through it again.

My sense of smell is enhanced: it takes on a thick, cloying, resonating quality. I can smell the astringent mescaline and the peppery ginger as though the odors are seeping up from my stomach into my nostrils.

11:08 AM T+2:31

It’s coming on so very slowly. If I didn’t know better, I would think nothing is going to happen.

Focusing my attention on my stomach seems to make the nausea worse, but then I can take a deep breath, and it settles.

11:41 AM T+3:05

I take a walk around the block. I begin to feel overconfident and start walking towards a nearby park, thinking that if I haven’t puked yet, I’m not going to puke. But then I remember how people say they will purge right before the trip really starts, and I’m not feeling much yet. Is the purge still to come?

Boom. Like clockwork, nausea appears as well as anxiety. I contemplate the chance I might yak on the sidewalk, and suddenly I realize I’ve wandered too far from home. I take a brisk walk back to my house.

I get home safe and sit down in a comfortable chair. The nausea eases once more.

11:49 AM T+3:13

I feel woozy and intoxicated. The nausea is back, but mild. I am in a state of mild anxiety, waiting. Something is coming.

12:03 PM T+3:26

I start to feel very ‘off’, similar to mushroom come-up: a sense that things are changing inside, a heaviness in my head, and a heavy quality to my thoughts. I feel anxious energy in my limbs. The walls are breathing. Vision feels crisp and enhanced.

12:24 PM T+3:47

I note visuals on the blackness of my closed eyelids: colorless patterns that shift either with the music or with my thoughts and emotions.

12:31 PM T+3:54

I am cold, gently trembling, and shivering. I sense power.

I’m not particularly comfortable. But I’m okay. I am here with myself. I can do this.

I feel like I might cry for no specific reason.

I sense that all this writing is soothing me, but also pulling me out of the experience

12:46 PM T+4:09

I flex my leg muscles. My muscles are twitchy; my hands are sticky with cold sweat. I am somehow both stimulated and relaxed. Stomach still delicate. Moving is undesirable. Compared to psilocybin, everything is slower, more deliberate, more controlled. I could lie down, but I don’t have to.

1:02 PM T+4:25

I contemplate how alone I am in the house today. I feel I must rely on myself. I tell myself it’s going to be okay.

Moving is laborious; my stomach does not like it. I feel power. It is humbling. My body feels like an inadequate vessel for what’s coming into me

1:21 PM T+4:45

My mind starts to wander. I worry about thinking. I feel quite sober somehow. I feel as though I am coming down a bit? Already? What is going on?

1:36 PM T+5:00

My wandering thoughts feel aimless. Doubt creeps through me. I have a flashback to my last mescaline experience, which started to deflate around this same time and never took off again (after probably puking most of the medicine up in the first hour).

1:44 PM T+5:08

Spiraling thoughts. Definitely feel like I am coming down. Did I miss it?

Even the music suddenly feels flatter. Is this just not my medicine?

2:05 PM T+5:30

I am cozy, but I am thinking a lot. If I were less experienced with psychedelics, I would be having a hard time right now

2:24 PM T+5:48

I am uncomfortably sober for how hard I’m tripping. I am thinking too much

I am open, but nothing is coming

2:52 PM T+6:12

Unsure if experiencing pleasure or extreme discomfort

Uncomfortable tension and restless energy course through my limbs

Feel like I keep coming in and out of it

Is it supposed to be this difficult?

3:27 PM T+6:57

This experience is still very much unfolding, but I am having a tough time. Should I reach out to someone for help? Or just cry?

My muscles are twitching so much

[I eat some watermelon. This proves a terrible idea. The nausea flares, and I am convinced it’s going to come back up. I kneel over the toilet and feel at peace to purge if that’s what’s going to happen, but the nausea settles again.]

I wish I could go outside, but it doesn’t feel safe. I’m not confident I won’t puke

Body is twitchy, head feels swimmy

I am extremely uncomfortable

So nauseous. Tired of feeling nauseous

Everything is okay but this doesn’t feel good

I’m thankful for this moment

For the opportunity to show myself I can get through this

Tripping isn’t normally this hard. Like even for a hard trip this is hard

The visuals are quite cool actually. I’m just yeah wow having a tough time. Hey at least if I can get through this I can get through anything

I am having a really hard time and simultaneously being on the verge of a breakthrough

This is wild

This is okay and terrible at the same time

What is happening right now?

What is the purpose of this?

Why am I here?

What is this?

—

I am supposed to be here

I am here to feel this

There is something for me to learn here

I am supposed to be here

Everything is okay

I trust the universe

I am supposed to go through this

I am having this experience

This is part of it, too

4:57 PM T+8:21

I would not wish this on anyone

And yet it is invaluable to me

5:08 PM T+8:32

Everything is true

All at once

It’s only a matter of perspective

5:18 PM T+8:42

[As I lie on the couch, the blankets warming me feel velvety soft. Prismatic surges of beautiful colors dance along the edges of objects in my vision. Geometric fractals rhythmically crystallize and then blur away on the walls, ceiling, blankets, and back of the couch. Rainbows reflect on the periphery of my vision, as if looking through a prism before the sun.]

[Through the next two hours, I accept that the purpose of this experience for me is to feel whatever emotions are coming through, even if I don’t understand them and cannot label them. I make a conscious decision to feel whatever comes. I sob for some indeterminate period of time. I have no words for the source or quality of this emotion except that I know it is mine to feel now; this is where I’m supposed to be; this is good for me.]

6:21 PM T+9:45

This is just like life. You can’t fuck it up

What was I put on this earth to do?

7:49 PM T+11:13

Stomach cramping. Jaw is clenching hard and is very sore. This is all suffering... But it’s gonna be okay

8:30 PM T+12:00

Things that normally hurt feel good

Like that pinchy spot at my right hip crease

This is excruciating

The most exquisitely painful thing I’ve ever done

8:49 PM T+12:19

[I fetch a tennis ball, get on the floor, and begin rolling out my glute muscles, which are radiating with tension and pain now. I have a history of muscle tension and chronic back pain for the last 5 years. I realize this pain I feel now means something. I am not a machine with a broken part, but rather this pain is meaningful to me.]

Pain and pleasure are crossed in my brain

It’s showing me where the hurt is

Where the gunk is

So I can get it out

9:30 PM T+13:00

Starting to come down now. I’m so uncomfortable.

Wish I could eat, but the nausea is a continued struggle

[I try to eat some watermelon. Nausea flares.]

This isn’t over

9:41 PM T+13:11

[I once again kneel over the toilet. I don’t vomit, but I definitely flirt with it. Eating watermelon was again a bad idea.]

I am exhausted and still tripping

I suspect it’s going to be a long night

[I fight urges to reach out to people, to message my friends on my phone, to share; I seek comfort and distraction from the present moment, but I stop myself]

No

This time is still just for me

10:24 PM T+13:48

Really feeling ready for some normalcy, but this trip won’t let me

I’m in a lot of physical pain

Muscles are very tense, I can’t get them to relax

I’m so nauseous still

11:04 T+14:30

My husband starts to get ready for bed. I take 400mg of ibuprofen to ward off a headache.

I know it will be hours before I sleep.

11:32 PM T+14:55

I brush my teeth and go to bed.

After an hour or so of lying in bed awake, I drift off and sleep surprisingly well. Upon waking the next morning, I still see small squiggly visuals with my eyes open as well as mild CEVs for a few hours.

Perhaps some readers, at this point, might wonder: Am I okay?

Yes. This experience concludes as all my psychedelic experiences thus far have: trappings and specifics aside, this is what I needed to experience at this particular moment in time. Although this experience was difficult, I am grateful for it. It paved the way for an insight that no other psychedelic has pointed to with such stinging clarity.

Feeling, all feeling, is the Whole Point.

Thank you, mescaline, for being part of my journey. Trust, Be, and Feel, y’all ✌️🌵❤️

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Clean diet and regular physical activity are undoubtedly foundational elements to physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. I also realized I went almost 4 months without journeying, which may have contributed to my slump. I usually dose more frequently than that, though in my two years of exploring this profoundly perspective-shifting substance, I have concluded that psilocybin itself does not, on its own, relieve illness for very long. Psilocybin is instead an amplifier: it makes challenges like diet, exercise, and other aspirations feel possible.

I am not sure who will read this; this blog hasn’t turned out to be quite what I imagined from the outset. Such is the nature of attempting to document my journey with an intensely personal subject that teaches you that you know less and less the deeper in you go.

I am no one of import, and I know nothing. I am just some 30-something gal, who struggles probably in similar ways that you do, who learned how to grow psychedelic mushrooms and ate a fair few of them a fair few times. I have had many experiences where the biggest epiphany was that I should just fucking shut up.

Nevertheless, I am here, and you are here, writing and reading this sentence, respectively. And some people seemed to enjoy my trip report last time, so I will share another one today.

This trip report is from almost a year ago and documents my 2.5-gram dose of Psilocybe subtropicalis. I estimate this dose was about 35 mg PCBE. This was, and probably still is, the second-highest dose I’ve ever taken (the largest was 600 mg of Panaeolus cyanescens TTBVI aborts, which absolutely blew my socks off; I estimate it was about 40 mg PCBE or perhaps a touch more). While both my large doses have been very interesting and valuable, I have found that my preferred and therapeutic dose is somewhere in the range of 25-30 mg PCBE.

Some trips stick with you, though. This was one of those trips.

And if you’re interested, here is my favorite psychedelic playlist and what I listened to throughout this experience. I can’t take credit for this playlist; I originally copied it from user “Juan of the Dead” on Spotify and made some modifications based on my personal tastes. I return to this playlist again and again and have had the most profound spiritual experiences of my life while listening to it.

April 27, 2025, 9:20 A.M.

2.5 grams of Psilocybe subtropicalis

I want to finish what I started. The mushrooms have been telling me for a while that I’m ready to go deep again. I’m ready for the full subtropicalis experience. [My prior experiences with P. subtropicalis were 11 fresh grams and then 0.5 dried grams; the former was an excruciatingly uncomfortable underdose that felt like nothing short of karmic punishment, while the latter was an insightful but mild trip wherein the mushrooms, among other insights, politely told me it’s time to quit taking such pussy doses.]

I use a small blender to blend 2.5 grams into a cup of hot chocolate. It doesn’t mask the taste as well as I’d hoped (orange juice is better). The come-up is queasy. These mushrooms are not sitting well in my stomach. This is the sickest I have ever felt from eating mushrooms. I climb into bed, curled in the fetal position as my stomach roils. I am paralyzed by sickness; the slightest movement makes me aware of the delicacy of my stomach. I keep calm by telling myself that this will pass.

The discomfort eventually does pass, if for no other reason than absolutely nothing makes sense in my brain any longer. Up is down, left is right, backwards is forwards, and everything is connected. I begin to question: why had I done this? Why am I growing all these mushrooms? Who is this person who now devotes a whole room in her house to growing fungus? Am I someone who does drugs now? Is this even something I should be doing at all? What happened to the old me - the one who used to spend problematic amounts of time playing online role-playing games? Who is this person I have become?

I continue to plummet deeper and deeper into a state of consummate discombobulation. Panic threatens from the dark corners of my awareness as I wonder if I’ve well and truly fucked up this time. I realize I am teetering on the precipice of completely losing my fucking shit. Time ceases to exist. I am suspended in infinite, eternal, meaningless chaos. I am seeing through the Matrix. This is Source. Consensus reality is a projection of the mind. Everything is connected and infinite awareness. Fear of death vanishes because I understand that death is not the end. All is Eternal.

This is intense and feels like it will never end. I remain aware on some level that I have taken a drug and that eventually I will return to Time. Until then, I am dancing on the knife’s edge of insanity.

I wish my husband were nearby. I know at some point he will come to check on me because I asked him to before I dosed. Why hasn’t he come yet? How long have I been stuck here? Will this ever end? Be strong. You are strong. Please, please let me live. Everything will be okay. He will come. I have faith.

Clarity crystallizes. The answer is Faith. Faith is the only thing that will get me through this. Faith is, in fact, the answer to all of life’s problems. Faith in myself. Faith in God. Faith in knowing the one I love will come for me when I’m absolutely tripping balls. Everything is going to be okay. Everything IS okay. EVERYTHING IS OKAY.

This is why I did this. I chose this. I chose to go through this. All is okay.

My husband finally appears to check on me. I am tripping so hard I am practically nonverbal. I giggle and say, “Why do we do anything? What is going on? I chose this. I love you.” I am overtaken with a feeling of pure love and am flooded with profound peace. I can control very little in this universe. All I can do is be kind. Let go. Nothing else matters. Everything is okay.

I slowly calm. My husband strokes my hair for a while and then leaves. The trip takes an energetic, kinetic turn. I experience perhaps the most extraordinary mind-body connection I have ever felt. I am alive through every finger, every toe. The tactile sensation of touching my own skin is so transcendently euphoric that I can do nothing but think “What. The. Fuck.” to myself ad infinitum as I drag my fingertips slowly over my face, over my lips. The world beyond me is only a hazy backdrop to my unthrottled consciousness experiencing my corporeal form. Holy. Shit.

The music changes cadence and primal energy possesses me. I sit bolt upright in bed and become an animal. I outstretch my limbs to their limit and writhe around. I smell myself. There is no judgment. Everything just Is. Glorious. Healing. Magnificient.

I am reborn. Fucking amazing.

Eventually I decide I am stinky so I get up and shower. I look at my body in the mirror, mesmerized by how the bones move beneath my skin and how interesting I look.

I meet my husband upstairs and get ready to go outside. He shares about his day, and I share about my trip as we walk.

Everything is so nice outside. We walk to the lake nearby, and I lie on a picnic table looking up at the clouds. The sky looks like a painting. I can see the individual brushstrokes, the colors of paint. It’s breathtakingly beautiful.

I feel hungry. My body is heavy. We go home and drink a mango smoothie. I still feel very sedated as I continue to come down. The evening is spent journaling, listening to music, and taking one more walk before the sun sets.

Thank you, Ps. subtropicalis. My takeaways from this experience still resonate now as they did then:

• Everything will be okay

• Have faith

• You are strong

• You are love

• Take care of your body, it’s all you got

I have created a new echelon of esteem for the mushroom known as Psilocybe Mexicana.

I came to psychedelics with one simple desire: to be relieved of depression. Psychedelics delivered this and much more, and before I knew it, my journey with psychedelics transcended depression relief and became about the nature of consciousness and spiritual growth.

I have tripped on a decent variety of things at this point, but the focus of my psychonautic adventures has overwhelmingly been exotic species of psilocybin mushrooms. I have grown and consumed Ps. cubensis, Ps. ochraceocentrata, Pan. cyanescens, Ps. subtropicalis, Ps. zapotecorum, as well as the psychoactive mycelium of Ps. subtropicalis and truffles from the species Ps. mexicana.

So I hope I have some clout when I say: the fruits of Psilocybe mexicana take the cake.

Experiencing 2.5g Ps. mexicana was the single best experience of my life, full stop.

Until this experience, I held Pan. cyanescens in the highest eschalon of esteem by a fairly large margin, as my Pan. cyanescens experiences were indescribably powerful and were the catalyst for me to no longer identify as an atheist. No other mushroom (and I’ve tried many) has provided me with experiences of a similar caliber until now.

Do not misunderstand me: Pan. cyanescens is a phenomenal mushroom that I hope everyone so inclined gets the opportunity to try. However, if Panaeolus cyanescens is the Crown Jewel of Mushrooms, Psilocybe mexicana is the Mother of Mushrooms who wears the crown.

I feel unworthy to exist in the same universe as anything that opens the portal to what I experienced.

I would enthusiastically recommend this mushroom to both novices and veteran psychonauts.

I don’t generally share these, but if interested, read on for my trip report.

September 22, 2025

12:19 PM T+0:00

I dosed precisely on the autumnal equinox down to the minute. I wasn’t planning on tripping today, but as I was on my morning walk and noticing how beautiful everything was, I suddenly got “the call” (this is an extremely rare occurrence; I usually plan for trips in advance). Then I realized that the autumnal equinox would occur in just a few hours. It was meant to be today.

All I had eaten that morning were four small tangerines, so I was in a semi-fasted state. I blended 2.5g Ps. mexicana “Chicon Nindo” into a glass of orange juice and let this sit for 30 minutes before drinking it (I highly recommend this method of consumption).

My intention and mantras for the experience were simply:

Everything is going to be okay

Gratitude for being here

12:51 PM T+00:19

I took a shower. I am listening to a calm, tranquil playlist. The first signs begin to appear. I feel melty and relaxed; I can hear elements of the music I normally can’t. My headspace is good: relaxed, open, curious.

[The rest of the timestamps are estimations and recollections because I lay down in bed and stopped writing.]

T+00:45

I am cold; I bundle up under the blankets. It’s very cozy.

T+01:10

The hour-long tranquil playlist approaches its end. I notice a persistent and annoying humming sound. I pause the music, and I still hear it. I feel agitated; I can’t figure out what the sound is. Anxiety and fear appear.

I manage to text my husband to help me (all the icons on the phone screen are colorfully dancing around). He comes and tells me that the bathroom fan is on; I had left it on after my shower earlier, but didn’t notice the sound until now. He turns it off, and I am instantly relieved by the tranquility of silence. My wonderful trip sitter sets me up with my favorite tripping playlist, tucks me in, and leaves me alone.

Shortly after this, the trip really started.

I fall into a dream... I am submersed in a vast, whimsical dreamscape; everything is inconceivably silky... my skin on my fingertips is velvet; the sheets of my bed are the richest satin, even my thoughts themselves glide through my consciousness like melting ice.

It is the most wholesome bliss a human consciousness can experience, and it was just the beginning.

T+1:30? - T+3:30?

The next several hours are nothing less than unfathomable ecstasy of a celestial caliber. Time loses all meaning. Words are insufficient to communicate what I experienced, so I can only attempt to relay my thoughts at the time:

This is Everything

This is Everything

This is Everything

I am nothing before This

I am unworthy to exist in the same dimension as this Sensation

I am unworthy to exist in a universe where this Sensation can be felt

I am unworthy to exist on the same planet as these Mushrooms

I do not steward these Mushrooms; they steward me

I am grateful

I am honored to exist and experience

There are no words

This is the best thing I have ever done

T+ 3:30?

Even as the peak passed, the sensation did not end; it simply changed into a slightly more grounded version of itself.

I spent the next couple of hours with no thoughts in my head other than transcendent blissful humility and gratitude. It was not a sedentary state of being: for hours, my arms, legs, and body moved about as if possessed. I smiled a lot. Pleasurable tactile sensations continued throughout.

4:45 PM T+4:13

It begins to rain and thunder outside; I watch through my window. I would normally get up to go walk outside at this point, but since it’s rainy, I just continue to lie in bed.

5:50 PM T+ 5:18

I finally get up and go to the kitchen to eat some watermelon. I feel extremely wired. My body is shaking and twitching like I’ve been pumped with adrenaline. A slight pressure appears in my skull. I am exhausted and electrified at the same time. I feel as though I have just profoundly “gone through” something.

Mental exhaustion, as well as very subtle tactile enhancement, are noticeable even when I go to sleep that night around 10 PM. I have trouble falling asleep.

Attempting to describe this experience any further could only be a disservice. I am eternally grateful to psilocybin mushrooms for all they have given to me.

Thank you so much for your gifts, Psilocybe Mexicana 🙏

I’m letting you in on a cosmic secret that transformed my life. Ready?

Everything, everywhere, at all times, is Perfect.

If things do not feel perfect, it is because you have made it so by entertaining and/or identifying with negative thoughts of your own creation. But don’t worry: you can fix it instantaneously by remembering the Truth: Everything is Perfect. You are already Perfect. And so is everyone and everything else.

The Truth is so profoundly simple that when I understood it for the first time, I couldn’t help but laugh. There is nothing you must do or achieve to find peace and joy. You don’t need to meditate for hours. You do not need to fill journal pages with deep thoughts. There is no guru with secrets you must consume. Wisdom is already within you because you are already Perfect. You have tremendous power over the quality of your life. You create your life every single waking moment.

If you integrate this into your daily life, you will realize that this changes everything.

You will no longer sicken yourself with self-loathing, self-criticism, grief, and remorse. You will experience less anxiety, fewer negative emotions, and less rumination. You will be more confident. You will gossip less. You will stop idolizing and villainizing others. You will apologize less and forgive more. You will feel less lonely. You will deepen the connections in your life and form new ones. You will feel more gratitude.

You do not need psychedelic substances to understand the Truth, but they can help a great deal. It took me a while before I truly started to feel like I “got the message,” and I will be integrating the message for the rest of my life. But even more impactful than simply ingesting psilocybin was making connections with others on a similar spiritual path. When you begin to embody the Truth, bit by bit, you begin to attract similar spirits who brighten your life as you brighten theirs. Do not despair if progress feels slow because remember: Everything is Perfect. You are exactly where you are meant to be at all times. You have already arrived.

I do not claim to be “perfect” in the sense that I can do no wrong or never make mistakes, nor do I release others from accountability for their actions. I still sometimes experience fear, anxiety, and pain. But the Truth has changed my relationship with those things. Understanding that Everything is Perfect means understanding that you are a connected part of an infinite whole, possessing the same creative power as everything else. It means recognizing what is yours to control and what is yours to let go of. Take responsibility for what is yours without judgment, apologies, or excuses.

I mentioned that you don’t need to journal, meditate, or learn from spiritual gurus. Am I saying you should not do these things? Absolutely not! By all means: if you are called to these things, do them. Or don’t. You have already succeeded whether or not you partake in these activities because remember: You are already Perfect. See how that works?

Maybe this makes no sense to you. That’s okay. For most of my life, this wouldn’t have made any sense to me either. But if you are on this path, and if you are open to it, it will find you. Once you understand the Truth your life will change forever. The more you implement it, the more peace and abundance you will find.

Seek Truth, Source, God; whatever you wish to call that which transcends words. You need not explain, justify, or doubt.

Be kind to yourself. 🌞

Be kind to others. 🫂

Be kind to animals. 🌱

And remember: Everything is Perfect.

Disclaimer: These are my experiences and my opinions. I have no idea what kind of experience you would have if you ate the same mushrooms as me. My experiences are also not in any way scientific. Dosages varied wildly, I’ve eaten some species more often than others, and I gained experience with psychedelics in general as I progressed from one species to the next.

Warning: If you want to experience these mushrooms free of expectations, proceed with caution. Psychedelic experiences are highly influenced by set, setting, and expectation.

Below is a list of words I associate with each species. This section is chronological in the order I experienced each species for the first time. The words are ordered loosely from lower dose experiences first to higher dose experiences last.

1. Ps. cubensis (up to 4 grams Golden Teacher): calm, peaceful, therapeutic, groovy, confusing, uncomfortable, opening, overwhelming, emotional, empathetic, hazy, forgettable

2. Ps. ochraceocentrata (up to 1.5 grams, roughly as potent as 3.5 grams cubensis fruits): vibing, mindfuck, visual, spiderwebs, colorful, pink, strobe light, zesty, opinionated, wacky, feminine, happy, powerful, deconstructing, musical, connection, communion, sensory overload

3. Panaeolus cyanescens (up to 600mg TTBVI aborts, roughly as potent as 6 grams cubensis fruits): clean, exquisite, ecstasy, profound, special, blissful, divinity, beautiful, spiritual, godly, connection, breathtaking, enormous, indescribable, immeasurable, infinite, oceanic, momentous, dissolving

4. Ps. subtropicalis myceliated brown rice (up to 40 grams, roughly as potent as 4 grams cubensis fruits): bright, clean, energetic, limitless, connected, kinetic, body high, glorious, physical, corporal, buzzing, twitchy, exorcism

5. Ps. subtropicalis (up to 2.5 grams, roughly as potent as 5 grams cubensis): challenging, uncomfortable, wise, stern, teacher, thoughtful, profound, queasy, neon, complex, trial, tribulation, crucible, faith-maker, kinetic, sensual, physical, electric, connection, glorious, infinity, healer, rebirth

6. Ps. zapotecorum (up to 1.0 grams, roughly potent as 3 grams cubensis): fractals, geometry, patterns, textures, vibrant, visuals, perfection, divinity within, creation, agency, positivity, light, radiance, good vibes, limitless, beauty, tranquility, purpose, clarity, crystalline, infinity, always, magic, gratitude, gift, acceptance

7. Ps. mexicana fresh sclerotia (20g fresh truffles, roughly potent as 3 grams cubensis): queasy, bright, happy, smiles, gratitude, community, light, healing, gentle

8. Ps. mexicana fruits (2.5 grams, roughly potent as 3.5? grams cubensis): dreamy, silky, soft, turquoise, sheen, pleasure, sensational, crystalline, humility, gratitude, beyond words, beyond language, beyond thought, beyond me, Everything

Bonus!

1. LSD: goofy, active, insightful, perfection, shallow, cerebral, analytical, ha-ha funny, hilarious, chemical, body load, restless, nauseous, shimmering, fractals, bouncing, kaleidoscopic, neon, artificial, galactic, crisp, tracers, landscapes, lucid, clear-headed, challenging, gratitude, personal, life-coach, therapeutic

2. Mescaline: nauseous, grounded, feeling, emotion, overthinking, pain, pleasure, prismatic, stimulating, buzzy, lucid, powerful, cathartic, presence, medicine, truth

3. Ketamine: wonky, boring, woozy, anesthetizing, confusing, relaxing, calming, weird, amusing, drunk, muffled, separation, bleak, dark, disconnection, okay, bizarre, split, faith, what. the. fuck.

If you’d like to read some candid discussion of how I feel about each species and the impact they made on me, keep an eye out for Part III.

Different species of psilocybin mushrooms produce distinctive trips. This has been true to such a degree in one particular case that the first time I tried it, if I didn’t know better, I would’ve sworn it was a different substance altogether. I believe that science will eventually catch up and support what exotic cultivators have known for years: not all mushrooms are equal.

Skeptics claim that psilocybin is psilocybin, and the subjective effects from one mushroom to another are simply due to differences in potency rather than any pharmacological difference from one species to the next. I believe that anyone who holds this belief has not sampled many species of psychedelic mushrooms (and note that I am speaking about species of mushrooms, not strains - it is perhaps true that most of the various psilocybe cubensis strains available, such as Golden Teacher, Amazonian, B+, and so on, are more or less interchangeable with each other.)

After I grew my first cubensis, I became curious about Psilocybe ochraceocentrata. I read reports on the Internet claiming that the experience provided by this species was more euphoric, positive, and “better” than that of Ps. cubensis. Being a novice at the time, I could hardly imagine what this even meant, but I was curious, so I purchased a culture of this species and cultivated it. My first experience with ochraceocentrata was indeed very different, and not at all what I expected. I proceeded to grow several other species and try them too.

At this point, I need to make a disclaimer and a warning.

Disclaimer: These are my experiences and my opinions. I have no idea what kind of experience you would have if you ate the same mushrooms as me. My experiences are also not in any way scientific. Dosages varied wildly, I’ve eaten some species more often than others, and I gained experience with psychedelics in general as I progressed from one species to the next.

Warning: If you want to experience these mushrooms free of expectations, proceed with caution. Psychedelic experiences are highly influenced by set, setting, and expectation.

For this reason, I have divided my review into two parts:

In Part I (least spoilers), I assign each species into echalons, with the species I regard most highly at the top and the species I regard lower towards the bottom. If you only wish to know which species I like most so you have more data to decide what species to pursue next in your cultivation journey, read only this post.

In Part II (some spoilers), I provide a list of descriptive words I associate with each species.

The species I have eaten and highest dosages include the following (all reported potencies are estimates based on personal experience and this calculator; I have never had any of my mushrooms tested):

1. Psilocybe cubensis (up to 4 grams Golden Teacher; ~22.5 mg PCBE)

2. Psilocybe ochraceocentrata (up to 1.5 grams, ~25 mg PCBE)

3. Panaeolus cyanescens (up to 600mg TTBVI aborts, ~40 PCBE)

4. Psilocybe subtropicalis mycelium in the form of myceliated brown rice (up to 40 grams, ~25 PCBE)

5. Psilocybe subtropicalis (up to 2.5 grams, ~35 PCBE)

6. Psilocybe zapotecorum (up to 1.0 grams, ~25 PCBE)

7. Psilocybe mexicana truffles (up to 20 grams, ~25 PCBE)

8. Psilocybe mexicana fruits (up to 2.5 grams, ~27.5 PCBE)

Without further ado, here is my “tier list.”:

1. Transcendently high regard: Ps. Mexicana fruits

2. Exemplary high regard: Panaeolus cyanescens, Psilocybe zapotecorum

3. High regard: Ps. subtropicalis, Ps. ochraceocentrata, Ps. subtropicalis myceliated rice, Ps. mexicana truffles

4. Lower regard: Ps. cubensis

If you’d like to read my list of descriptive words associated with each species, proceed to Part II.

I have learned a lot about mushrooms and psychedelics in a year and a half. I was privileged to devote a sizeable amount of time and resources to this endeavor from the start, so I had the opportunity to learn quickly. There is still much I don’t know, but I have experience to share, particularly with exotic species of mushrooms: how and why you might want to grow them.

My cultivation work is likely most interesting to cultivators who already have a few cubensis grows under their belt. If you are interested in Panaeolus cyanescens, ps. ochraceocentrata (previously known as Ps. natalensis), Ps. subtropicalis, Ps. zapotecorum, and others, you will find accounts here about my experiences growing and experiencing these mushrooms. If you’re unaware of these “exotics,” you may find information here to pique your interest.

It is unlikely I will produce a guide to cultivating Psilocybe cubensis, as many others have already done this likely better than I could (my recommendation is PGT), but I will provide lists of resources that were useful to me. I do recommend getting comfortable with the fundamentals before attempting more difficult species (note that ochraceocentrata is similarly easy to cultivate as cubensis).

To achieve success in cultivating mushrooms you must be meticulous, curious, and patient. If you respect and connect with these organisms you may be rewarded in ways you never thought possible.

In this publication, I will also share some learnings on integrating psychedelics into my life. I write on this topic from the perspective of a trepidatious person who had previously never experienced any psychedelic drugs, had no mentors or guides, and hoped to relieve depression and find more meaning in life. Psychedelics are not a free ticket to a perfect life (what even is a “perfect life,” anyway?), but I find them a very helpful tool for facilitating honest introspection with yourself. My relationship with the medicine has changed over a year and a half; perhaps some of my experiences will resonate with you. If not, take what is useful and leave the rest.

All my content is free. This work exists to document my experiences for others. If you benefited from my work and wish to show support, supporting me is deeply appreciated.